Posts tagged reminders
Last Sunday I was asked to speak in church about making and fulfilling on goals. I also introduced an exciting new project that my ward (or congregation) will be participating in. I attend a ward for young single adults members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
The President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Thomas S. Monson, told this thought provoking story in an October 1976 General Conference talk:
Several days ago, while driving to my home, I approached the entrance to Interstate 15. At the on-ramp I noticed three hitchhikers, each one of whom carried a homemade sign which announced his desired destination. One sign read “Los Angeles,” while a second carried the designation “Boise.” However, it was the third sign which not only caught my attention but caused me to reflect and ponder its message. The hitchhiker had lettered not Los Angeles, California, nor Boise, Idaho, on the cardboard sign which he held aloft. Rather, his sign consisted of but one word and read simply “ANYWHERE.” Here was one who was content to travel in any direction, according to the whim of the driver who stopped to give him a free ride. What an enormous price to pay for such a ride. No plan. No objective. No goal. The road to anywhere is the road to nowhere, and the road to nowhere leads to dreams sacrificed, opportunities squandered, and a life unfulfilled.
Thomas S. Monson, Which Road Will You Travel?
Imagine each of you are holding a sign up right now that says where you are going in life. What does your sign say? What would you like it to say? And what would you like it to say if Christ were sitting next to you right now?
Your sign is another way of representing your life goals. There are a lot of types of goals in life that lead down many different roads in this world. We all want to go somewhere in life that will bring us happiness. Though many things of the world try to convince us they offer happiness, how can we choose worthy goals that will bring us lasting happiness? Even eternal happiness.
Eternal happiness is a life long goal. Like many goals in life, we cannot get there in one stride. There are steps we can take to help us set worthy goals for our lives as we ultimately seek eternal life. Here are six steps we can take to make and fulfill on worthy goals:
Step One is to decide.
When set a goal you first need to decide where you want to be in the future. As President Monson’s earlier story illustrated, you can’t get where you want to go, if you don’t know where you are going.
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said:
“[…] set explicit goals. You should look ahead now and decide what you want to do with your lives. Fix clearly in your mind what you want to be one year from now, five years, ten years, and beyond.” (“Running Your Marathon,” October 1989 General Conference)
Once you know where you want to get to in the future, you need to decide on a goal. Goals can be big and small, long and short term, and fall under any category of your life.
President Ezra Taft Benson, thirteenth President of the Church said:
“Every accountable child of God needs to set goals, short- and long-range goals. […] Some will be continuing goals.[…]” (“Do Not Despair,” Ensign, Oct. 1986).
President Benson also mentions that there are four main areas of goals in our lives: mental, physical, and social, spiritual, as well as the lifetime goal of becoming perfect unto Christ.
A. Mental Goals may include completing higher education, learning new trades or occupations, improving skills in a craft or creative area.
D&C 88:118 reads:
And as all have not faith, seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith.
D&C 130:19 promises:
And if a person gains more knowledge and intelligence in this life through his diligence and obedience than another, he will have so much the advantage in the world to come.
B. Physical Goals may include increasing your body’s strength, endurance, dexterity, excelling at sport, or improving overall health. These would also include goals to improve your obedience to gospel principals like dressing modestly and obeying the Word of Wisdom.
“Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated” (D&C 88:124).
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 reads:
19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.
C. Social Goals may include improving skills in listening, parenting, public speaking, and leadership.
Proverbs 18:24 tells us:
24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
D. Spiritual Goals may include building your testimony, increasing your faith in a gospel principal, magnifying your calling, doing a service project, and increasing temple attendance.
D&C 42:61 states:
61 If thou shalt ask, thou shalt receive revelation upon revelation, knowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the mysteries and peaceable things—that which bringeth joy, that which bringeth life eternal.
E. Lifetime Goals are goals of an eternal nature that help you to become perfect unto Christ.
President Ezra Taft Benson said:
Each week when we partake of the sacrament we commit ourselves to the goals of taking upon ourselves the name of Christ, of always remembering him and keeping his commandments. Of Jesus’ preparations for his mission, the scripture states that he ‘increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.’ (Luke 2:52.) This encompasses four main areas for goals: spiritual, mental, physical, and social. ‘Therefore, what manner of men ought ye to be?’ asked the Master, and he answered, ‘Verily I say unto you, even as I am.’ (3 Ne. 27:27.) Now, there is a lifetime goal–to walk in his steps, to perfect ourselves in every virtue as he has done, to seek his face, and to work to make our calling and election sure (“Do Not Despair,” Ensign, Oct. 1986).
Step Two is to Ponder and Pray.
Once we’ve decided on what we want for ourselves and your futures, we can prayerfully ponder steps we should take and make a plan of action. We can seek revelation in our Patriarchal blessings as to what goals to make and how to execute those goals in our lives.
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin said:
Receive your patriarchal blessing and strive to live worthy of its promises. A patriarchal blessing is one of the most important guides in life that members of the Church enjoy. Write your goals and review them regularly. Keep them before you constantly, record your progress, and revise them as circumstances dictate. (“Running Your Marathon,” October 1989 General Conference)
Step Three is to Place Milestones.
Milestones are defined as “an action or event marking a significant change or stage in development.” Milestones help us to see we are growing and changing. They help us to strive towards something and achieve more than we otherwise would have. Goals are not meant to be achieved in one large chunk, but just as learning is done “line upon line, precept upon precept“ (D&C 98:12) so should goals be broken down into smaller goals. Place milestones on the path to your goal ahead of time and work towards them.
Step Four is to Set Reminders.
When you have a constant physical reminder of your goal it becomes more real. One of my goals is to always become more Christ-like, so I have a painting and a stature of Christ in my bedroom that I can see from where I sit while I work. Whenever I need a extra sense of peace or need to be reminded of my goal I glance up at Christ and my purpose is restored. Wearing a CTR ring or setting a daily reminder in your phone to exercise or read your scriptures are other examples.
Step Five is to Take Action.
It’s great to decide where you wan to go, ponder and pray, place milestones, and set reminders, but all of that will be ineffective if we don’t take action.
D&C 60:13 reads:
“Thou shalt not idle away thy time, neither shalt thou bury thy talent that it may not be known” (D&C 60:13).
Step Six is to Be Accountable.
When you have a system of accountability your results in your goals will increase.
Elder M. Russel Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said:
Write down the tasks you would like to accomplish each day. Keep foremost in mind the sacred covenants you have made with the Lord as you write down your daily schedules. (“Keeping Life’s Demands in Balance,” April 1987 General Conference)
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin suggests:
Write your goals and review them regularly. Keep them before you constantly, record your progress, and revise them as circumstances dictate. (“Running Your Marathon,” October 1989 General Conference)
There is no where on Earth more important to achieving Eternal Life than The House of the Lord, the Temple.
We should all make the Temple our biggest goal whether it’s to get there for the first time, to get there more often, or to increase or testimony of the Temple.
The first time I wanted to enter the Temple I was four years old. I remember the moment so vividly. I was riding in the car with my parents and we drove by the Los Angeles Temple. I was immediately drawn to it. It felt very special and I knew I had to go in. I had never been so curious about what occurred inside a building before, but I ached to be a part of it. I asked my mom what it was, and she answered, that it was “someone else’s Temple and I couldn’t ever go in.” As a young Jewish girl, I was curious who else built Temples, and was disappointed that I couldn’t be involved, but I accepted her answer. However I hung onto that early memory though it was buried.
I wasn’t until years later that I was investigating the church more than twenty years later that the memory surfaced. The desire to go into the Temple was stronger than ever. So I decided consciously this time that my goal was the Temple. And I placed milestones to get there. I set Baptismal date. Took the missionary discussions. Got Baptized four and half years ago. Once that was completed, I went to the Temple to do baptisms for the first time. It was amazing and powerful. It Spirit was so strong. But my Temple journey didn’t end there. I wanted to get endowed. So set new milestones. I accepted callings. Took the Temple Prep class. And then I received my endowment. It was the best decision I could have made. My decision to set the Temple as my goal has blessed my life more than I can even comprehend. More than I had ever imagined as a little four year old that had a secret goal of going to the Temple.
Elaine S. Dalton said the following in April 2012 General Conference:
[…] I [was] thrilled as I listened to Elder David A. Bednar invite each of you to become anxiously engaged in doing your own family history and temple work for those who have passed on without the blessings of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. As he issued this invitation to you, my heart leapt inside. In the Doctrine and Covenants we read of “other choice spirits who were reserved to come forth in the fulness of times to take part in laying the foundations of the great latter-day work, including the building of … temples and the performance of ordinances therein for the redemption of the dead.” This is your day, and your work has begun! Now is the time to be worthy of and obtain a temple recommend. As you do this work, you will become saviors on Mount Zion. (“Now Is The Time To Arise And Shine!,” April 2012 General Conference)
What an amazing promise: to be a savior on Mount Zion. And we can all achieve that. Especially in light of a new program relating to ward Temple and Family History work that’s being presented today. You may have seen the posters in either foyer and you should have a copy of your own to take home in each of your programs (pictured left). As a ward we will be collectively be researching our own family histories to find Family File names. Familly file names are from your own family lineage. You research them and then take them to the temple to do ordinances for those ancestors.
As a ward, our goal will be to do a thousand family file names. Each family file name will count once (regardless of how many ordinances you do for each name). Since goals don’t happen in one stride, we will have milestones along the way of 100 family file names completed, then 200 names, then 300, and so on up to 1000.
Elaine S. Dalton said the following in April 2012 General Conference:
The promised blessings of the temple extend not only to you but to all generations. As you make the temple your goal, your influence for good will transcend time and place, and the work you perform for those who have gone before will be the fulfillment of prophecy! (“Now Is The Time To Arise And Shine!,” April 2012 General Conference)
I know that as we do this work for our ancestors we will bless them and we also will be blessed.
Elder Marvin J. Ashton said:
“May we launch straightway toward setting goals that are gospel oriented, knowing that if we use the talents that are ours–that if we help others, strive for peace, avoid being overly sensitive or overly critical–strength upon strength will be added unto our own abilities and we will move straightway toward greater growth, happiness, and eternal joys”. (“Straightway,” April 1983 General Conference)
I like to leave you with my testimony that I know that setting and fulfilling on goals is a way we can achieve eternal happiness. I know that as we set our goals on the Temple and other eternal things we will be blessed with peace, happiness, knowledge and revelation, and other things we need in our lives. I know that through Temples families can be together forever. I love the Temple. I love Heavenly Father and I love the Savior, Jesus Christ. And I say this in His name, Amen.
It’s been a long nine weeks. Another nine long weeks I’ve spent in the hosptial with whole month spent in the ICU. I’m supposed to go home in the morning finally. I’m hesitantly relieved. I don’t want to be disappointed.
Being in the hosptial for any period of time is really hard. Probably one of the hardest if not the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do. Espeically when the stay is super long and the reason is life threatening involving ICUs, ventillators, comas, and the like, it’s especially important to feel the love of those around me, to know that I am not alone in this.
And my friend and family have really risen to the occasion over the last 9 weeks. I couldn’t be more grateful for everything they’ve done for me. They have been my emotional and spirital life support while on physical life support most of the time in the hosptial. I can’t thank them enough.
When your friend or family memeber is extremely ill in the hosptial and ICU it’s hard to know what to do or say. Here’s some of what I appreciated the most to serve as an idea guide to helping support someone through a rough hosptial stay:
- Call or text ahead.
Let the person or the family memeber staying with them that you are coming so they can be prepared or let you know if its not a good time. For example, the person might be in a proceedure or be sleeping when you plan on coming.
- Ask what you can bring. Often times ICUs have restrictions on live flowers and other things that can be brought in. Very sick patients often have dietary restrictions, allergies, or simply aren’t eating at all. Don’t be afriad to come right out and ask what the situation is before you bring something. Your thoughtfulness will be appreciated.
- Bring reminders of life outside the hosptial. The most amazing awesome thing my friends did for me was decorate every inch of my room with photos and artwork and Christmas decorations for the holiday. My friend Katy took photos off my own facebook accooutn and got them printed out and posted them in a giant collage covering an entire wall under the window to remind me of all my friends and happier times. I have photos of my dog, myself as a kid doing fun things, my family, and other fun stuff. She also took a calendar with photos of Christ which is extremely important to me as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and got them laminated then hung them all over another wall. That allowed me to feel the Spirit of God in my hosptial room and be constantly reminded of my Savior’s and God’s love for me. Other friends decorated for Christmas since I spenddt the holidays in the hosptial as well. They put up gingerbread men, wreaths, garlands and more. My mmom got me a tiny Christmas tree and a star. My room had to have been the most amazingly festive of the whole hosptial because everytime anyone came in to give to a treatment or do a proceedure the ooo’d and ahh’d over my decor! It brought joy to everyone who entered my room, and especially me! I am so grateful to everyone who took the time to do it
- Promote Health If you think that you are sick, don’t come and visit! A person in the hosptial has a weakened immune system and can get much worse from a simple cold.
- Remember Their Other Family and Pets If you can offer to help out with their other family members who may also need things during this time as well as their pets who don’t stop needing walks, love and attention while your friend is in the hosptial for prolongued periods.
- Listen and Love The most important thing you can do is just listen, love and otherwise be a emotional and spiritual support while your loved one goes through this hard experience. They need your listening ear to vent sometimes, to cry sometimes, to worry, and be angry sometimes. They need your kind words to comfort always, to remind them you love them always, to be in their corner always, to boost them up when they are down, and to always be their friend and support and cheerleader. Remind them how much they are loved and missed by everyone else.
- Visit!!! Phone calls and texts are great, but nothing beats an in person visit when you are lonely and scared in the hosptial for long periods of time. And the longer the hosptial stay goes on the worse it feels, but the less people tend to remember to come because the novelty of it starts to wear off. Don’t forget your friend is still going though it in the hospital just because it’s been going on for 2 months!
- Don’t Unload Don’t tell the person in the hosptial how hard it is for you to see them in the hosptial. It only makes the patient feel like a burden. Of course you are worried and stressed yourself but make sure you talk about it with someone who isn’t as close to the person as you are and definitely not the patient themselves.
- Be Yourself If all else fails just be yourself. The person that the patient missed from when they were well and wants to see is YOU! Don’t overly worry about what to say and how to act. They just miss you and want to be with their friend or family member. They want your company and comfort that only you know how to give because you are the only person who is you. The worse thing you can do isn’t to say or do the wrong thing but to do nothing and make the patient feel completely forgotten about and abandoned by you.
- Bring Them Home! When your loved one in the hospital makes it home, don’t forget about them then either! They often will be stuck at home for some time and need just as much love and attention brought to them there as they did in the hosptial. So bring them home!
I am so grateful for my friends and family who did everything I just described above and so much more! They made it possible for me to emotionally and spiritually survive this hosptial stay. It really wouldn’t have been barable without all of you so thank you soooo much!!! I am especially grateful to God and Christ. They are always there for me and I know that this too shall pass and even this difficult trial I have endured will be for my benefit. I know it is slowly and rather painfully shaping me into who I am to be someday. But the pain was made less by some photobombs and a lot of love from friends and family.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!!!!!
Conventional wisdom tells us that scars fade over time. But they don’t always fade on their own. Whether physical or emotional, diminishing scars is a process that takes work.
A few months ago I had surgery to have a two benign Lipoma tumors removed from my left arm. In the weeks and months since the surgery, the pain subsided but the scars did not. The scars grew hard, red, and puffy. Ugly reminders of the surgery. Every time I’d look at them, I was right back in the memory of all the pain and anxiety I’d experienced. Embarrassed at my skin’s imperfection, I wanted to hide them. To cover them up. But I realized that wouldn’t make them go away. Fading them would take time and effort. I started rubbing scar-reducing cream into them several times a day. The nerves under the scars are very sensitive, so rubbing them can be rather painful. But the combination of the massage and cream has started to soften and lighten the scars. To my surprise they are fading.
In thinking about my scars, it occurs to me that emotional scars are much the same way. When we face a trauma in my life, I am often left with emotional scars. If left to their own devices they can get irritated and raw. They can make me feel imperfect and embarrassed. I might try to cover them up and hide them only to find that they are just as present as ever. It’s only when I start to massage my emotional scars that they start to go away.
It’s painful to address my emotional scars in the moment. Touching that nerve sends reverberating pain up and down my psyche making me wince and want to withdraw. But I have to retrain my nerves. Exposure lessens the pain. Lightens the scars.
A raw wound in my life I’m realizing is the post traumatic stress I’ve been dealing with from spending time in the Intensive Care Unit twice in the last couple years. I’ve wanted to hide it. To put on a brave face and pretend that the scars from that memory didn’t exist. But that has only given the resulting nightmares more power. I’ve noticed that as I’ve started to talk about my experiences it’s gotten better. Though at first it was a raw nerve to talk about the memory of being unable to breathe on my own, massaging that wound has stimulated healing. I even recently collaged the nightmares that have haunted me from my time in the ICU.
My scars will always be there. Both emotional and physical. But overtime and with the proper care, they will fade. Until then, they are my battle scars. Not reminders of weakness but evidence of my strength. Of how much I’ve endured. Of being a survivor. And that will never fade.