Feel The Love:  Helping a Loved One Through a Difficult or Life Threatening Hospital Stay

Feel The Love: Helping a Loved One Through a Difficult or Life Threatening Hospital Stay

It’s been a long nine weeks.  Another nine long weeks I’ve spent in the hosptial with whole month spent in the ICU.  I’m supposed to go home in the morning finally.  I’m hesitantly relieved.  I don’t want to be disappointed.

Being in the hosptial for any period of time is really hard.  Probably one of the hardest if not the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do.  Espeically when the stay is super long and the reason is life threatening involving ICUs, ventillators, comas, and the like, it’s especially important to feel the love of those around me, to know that I am not alone in this.

And my friend and family have really risen to the occasion over the last 9 weeks.  I couldn’t be more grateful for everything they’ve done for me.  They have been my emotional and spirital life support while on physical life support most of the time in the hosptial.  I can’t thank them enough.

When your friend or family memeber is extremely ill in the hosptial and ICU it’s hard to know what to do or say.  Here’s some of what I appreciated the most to serve as an idea guide to helping support someone through a rough hosptial stay:

  1. Call or text ahead.
    Let the person or the family memeber staying with them that you are coming so they can be prepared or let you know if its not a good time.  For example, the person might be in a proceedure or be sleeping when you plan on coming.
  2. Ask what you can bring. Often times ICUs have restrictions on live flowers and other things that can be brought in.  Very sick patients often have dietary restrictions, allergies, or simply aren’t eating at all.  Don’t be afriad to come right out and ask what the situation is before you bring something.  Your thoughtfulness will be appreciated.
  3. Bring reminders of life outside the hosptial. The most amazing awesome thing my friends did for me was decorate every inch of my room with photos and artwork and Christmas decorations for the holiday.  My friend Katy took photos off my own facebook accooutn and got them printed out and posted them in a giant collage covering an entire wall under the window to remind me of all my friends and happier times.  I have photos of my dog, myself as a kid doing fun things, my family, and other fun stuff.  She also took a calendar with photos of Christ which is extremely important to me as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and got them laminated then hung them all over another wall.  That allowed me to feel the Spirit of God in my hosptial room and be constantly reminded of my Savior’s and God’s love for me.  Other friends decorated for Christmas since I spenddt the holidays in the hosptial as well.  They put up gingerbread men, wreaths, garlands and more.  My mmom got me a tiny Christmas tree and a star.  My room had to have been the most amazingly festive of the whole hosptial because everytime anyone came in to give to a treatment or do a proceedure the ooo’d and ahh’d over my decor!  It brought joy to everyone who entered my room, and especially me!  I am so grateful to everyone who took the time to do it
  4. Promote Health If you think that you are sick, don’t come and visit!  A person in the hosptial has a weakened immune system and can get much worse from a simple cold.
  5. Remember Their Other Family and Pets If you can offer to help out with their other family members who may also need things during this time as well as their pets who don’t stop needing walks, love and attention while your friend is in the hosptial for prolongued periods.
  6. Listen and Love The most important thing you can do is just listen, love and otherwise be a emotional and spiritual support while your loved one goes through this hard experience.  They need your listening ear to vent sometimes, to cry sometimes, to worry, and be angry sometimes.  They need your kind words to comfort always, to remind them you love them always, to be in their corner always, to boost them up when they are down, and to always be their friend and support and cheerleader.  Remind them how much they are loved and missed by everyone else.
  7. Visit!!! Phone calls and texts are great, but nothing beats an in person visit when you are lonely and scared in the hosptial for long periods of time.  And the longer the hosptial stay goes on the worse it feels, but the less people tend to remember to come because the novelty of it starts to wear off.  Don’t forget your friend is still going though it in the hospital just because it’s been going on for 2 months!
  8. Don’t Unload Don’t tell the person in the hosptial how hard it is for you to see them in the hosptial.  It only makes the patient feel like a burden.  Of course you are worried and stressed yourself but make sure you talk about it with someone who isn’t as close to the person as you are and definitely not the patient themselves.
  9. Be Yourself If all else fails just be yourself.  The person that the patient missed from when they were well and wants to see is YOU!  Don’t overly worry about what to say and how to act.  They just miss you and want to be with their friend or family member.  They want your company and comfort that only you know how to give because you are the only person who is you.  The worse thing you can do isn’t to say or do the wrong thing but to do nothing and make the patient feel completely forgotten about and abandoned by you.
  10. Bring Them Home! When your loved one in the hospital makes it home, don’t forget about them then either!  They often will be stuck at home for some time and need just as much love and attention brought to them there as they did in the hosptial.  So bring them home!

I am so grateful for my friends and family who did everything I just described above and so much more!  They made it possible for me to emotionally and spiritually survive this hosptial stay.  It really wouldn’t have been barable without all of you so thank you soooo much!!!  I am especially grateful to God and Christ.  They are always there for me and I know that this too shall pass and even this difficult trial I have endured will be for my benefit.  I know it is slowly and rather painfully shaping me into who I am to be someday.  But the pain was made less by some photobombs and a lot of love from friends and family.

Thank you!  Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!!!!!

Breathless

Breathless

Sometimes, despite my best intentions, strongest convictions, all my strength and will, all my hope and faith, commitment and passion… sometimes despite everything I am, was, and will ever be… sometimes things fall apart.

Sometimes it seems like there’s no putting things back together again.

The past few weeks I’ve had my fill of Humpty Dumpty moments.  My emotions splatted out on the ground for the whole world to see.  At first it was for seemingly no reason.  Then, little by little the source of my tears began to bubble to the surface.  Flashes of suppressed memories of my last three month hospitalization haunt me.  I was in the ICU almost a month and I remember everything.

Yesterday was odd sort of relief  at receiving a diagnosis.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

When I got home from my doctor’s office, I decided it’s time to stop suppressing the pain.  Putting a name to it is a good first step, but it was really time to let a little of it out.  So I wrote this poem about the experience:

Breathless

by Lauren Soffer

How can I speak when
The pain leaves me breathless
Tear drops unspoken
Burdens unshed

Urgent
Failure
Crisis
Life unsupported

Defined by wounds unforgotten
Terrorized
Paralyzed
A prisoner of my own head

Inhaling insurmountable
Hemorrhaging sorrow
Lost
I surrender

Where darkness ends
Myself begins
My Savior carries me
Breathing each breath

As I relinquish my anguish
For His infinite love
Safe in His Eternal arms
I am found

Through writing the poem, in a tiny way I began the process of transformation.  Turning something ugly into something beautiful.  Turning my pain into strength.  And with that I found a iota of peace in that moment.  I am struck by the following scripture:

And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. (D&C 122:7)

I’m grateful to have the faith that hard things in life will all be for my growth and benefit.  Maybe things fall apart because life is like a jigsaw puzzle: there’s no point if it comes already put together.

Enhanced by Zemanta