Posts tagged counselor
The ever present hiss of oxygen and the occasional beeping of a monitor are sometimes the only sound I hear for hours, as I lay alone in my hosptial room. I stare at the white sterile walls that surround me. The walls are totally blank with few unnoteworthy exceptions. Sometimes I wish my life were as clean and as sterile as those walls, devoid of any adversitity. It’s an easy thing to wish for when I’ve spend more than half of the last year in the hosptial. If I could whitewash all the years spent facing the pain, lonliness, isolation, boredom, fear, anger, grief, and saddness that comes with a chronic illness that requires very frequent and prolonged hosptializations, wouldn’t I want to?
But then I remember what I am here on earth to do. I remember that my adversity and trials aren’t punishments; they’re gifts that allow me to improve myself, transform my weaknesses, and grow into the person I was always meant to become. I remember that adveristy is a blessed opportunity – even an invitation – from my loving Father in Heaven, to become more like my Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ. I remember that if I were able to whitewash my life and forget all my trials, I’d also forget all the knowledge and blessings that come from them.
It’s been easy for me to get bogged down in the weight of a trial, and completely miss what I am learning and how I am growing from it. Perhaps if I were more methodical, more intetional about learning from adversity, I’d be able to develop more from it. There are five things we all can do to gain more knowledge, growth, and blessings from the hardest things in life.
- Seek Guidance
- Conduct Research
- Count Your Blessings
- Serve Others
- Do It Together
It’s a lot easier to learn something when you figure out what you are learning. Recieve guidance as to what’s there to learn from life’s hardest moments. Sources of guidance can be close friends, family, religious leaders, professional counselors, scriptures and other books, and divine inspiration. I personally realize the lesson in every trial most easily when I read my scriptures frequently and pray unceasingly to my Father in Heaven to reveal to me what He wants me to learn. It reminds me that I am not in control, but that’s completely okay, because the one that is in control, my Heavenly Father, knows exactly what I need to learn, andhow I need to be blessed.
It can be hard to know what you’re learning if you aren’t tracking your course throught the trial. Record your journey in a journal. Look for patterns. Ask yourself and Heavenly Father questions. Pose hypothesis, and then experiment on the results. I recently suggested this to a friend struggling with social situations and feelings of not being included. Instead of thinking negatively about social situations, she tried thinking that people would perceive her in a positive way right before starting an converstation. So far the results have been an off the charts improvement.
When you remember to have an a attitude of graditude you get access to appreciating the good times and the bad. Being grateful even for your trials opens up your ability to grow and change for the better and help you learn so much more from adversity. When I take time to enummerate the ways being chronically ill has bettered my life, I am always astounded by all the good things that have come from it.
Getting out of your own head and focusing on helping others in need, gives you clarity and perspective that can shing light on what there is to learn from your trials. When I take the time to be a good listener for a friend going through something really tough, the weight of my own trials diminishes. As I lift their weight, Heavently Father lifts mine.
When you are in the depths of your trials, it’s easy to forget that you aren’t alone. Whether it other people going through similar things or knowledge of the divine on your side, walking foward hand in hand allows you to both receive and share knowledge and blessings. My default mentality is that I have to do everything hard alone (also that I’m alone in my trials). The good news is neither are at all true. And not only do i not have to do everything alone, but it’s completely impossible to do so. In fact, this life was *designed* to teach me (and all of us) not to do it alone. Instead I should rely on Christ, his teachings, and his disciples to get me through everything, from the smallest of small to the most miraculous triumphs that aren’t even imaginable to my feeble mortal minds. And we are the opposite of alone in our trials, we have a brother in Heaven that has a *perfect understanding* of what we are going through. I don’t even have a perfect understanding of what I’m going through, but through Christ I can start to come to an understanding.
In what ways do you gain knowledge and blessings from your trials? Please share in the comments!
I don’t want to sound mean. I just want to be honest. Is there something else bothering you?*
Last night I was faced with that loaded question. “Was something else bothering me?” Because, she explained, how upset I was didn’t add up. “Nothing happened,” she said.
At first the question didn’t even register through my sniffles and tears. Of course something had happened. Something terrible. Or why else would I be so upset? Right? I had been feeling left out of a conversation, and everything just seemed to sudden spiral out of control from there. Suddenly friends were angry with me and I was crying and… of course something had happened.
But because I know my friend doesn’t just say things like this casually, I dug a little deeper.
Was something else bothering me?
A list started to write itself in my head. A list that looked like it could be a mental health professional’s list of major life stresses. Okay. So I had a few things going on in my life right now what with the recent hospitalizations and rehabilitations, family stresses, missing friends, and so on. So I supposed that a few things were in fact bothering me.
I felt dumb.
Suddenly everything came into focus and my reaction seemed so out of proportion.
And that’s when it happened.
See for the last few weeks I’d been describing the stress I was under like a giant and delicate egg just under the surface of my emotional pain, waiting to crack open and drip it’s gooey and painful ooze everywhere.
It happened. Right then in that moment of perfect clarity, I could feel all the pain I’d been hiding from myself so completely and all at once.
I didn’t know I could cry that hard. That intensely. And that it could be that freeing.
I prayed that I would have the strength to get through it. To find meaning in my struggles and tears.
Then, just as suddenly as it came, it was over.
Feeling better, I’m so grateful to my friend for asking that loaded question. It must not have been easy to have to be honest with me when I was a basket case and try to figure out what was really going on.
Have you ever been really upset about something only to realize that it was something else entirely that was really bothering you? Here’s some suggestion you can try to help you figure out those upsets when they occur:
- Think about if your reaction is in proportion to the upsetting incident.
- Think about what other stresses you have in your life.
- Ask yourself it there is something else bothering you.
- Seek trusted friend/mentor or a professional counselor who can talk the problem out with you.
- Pray or meditate to get divine perspective on the situation.
Sometimes you have to crack the situation wide open to see what’s really inside, but I know that on the inside of that egg is greater serenity, happiness, and peace of mind.
Have you ever wondered what you should be doing with your life? Have you ever wondered what areas of your life you need to improve, and, furthermore how to improve them? Have you ever wanted to hear this kind of instruction from someone who could never steer you wrong? Have you ever wanted to get advice from someone who had only your best interested at heart, who loved you unconditionally, and would treat you with care of the most loving parent?
Throughout my life I have often longed for this personal direction from a divine source. I have come to know that my Father in Heaven can give me all of these things whenever I speak to him through prayer. But there are other times, places, and methods of receiving this direction in life. This afternoon was the final session of the Spring convening of General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. At it, the living Prophet of our Living Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ, along with his counselors, Apostles, and other disciples, delivered the divine messages we all needed to hear as His children.
General Conference occurs twice a year in the Spring and Fall. The messages spoken at it are broadcast live across the world via television, radio, and the internet for all of God’s children to hear. Afterwards, the talks are made available online, on dvd, and in print. Past year’s General Conferences are also available on lds.org.
In preparing to hear the word of God at General Conference, I wrote a list of questions that I wanted to have answered by the various talks given. I prayed to Heavenly Father that my questions would be addressed I was not disappointed. Through my faith, I received very direct answers to all but one question and an indirect answer to my last question. I would like to share some of my questions and the answers I received to them through the messages I watched broadcast through my computer screen. I recorded all of this in my handmade Conference Journal.
- How do I deal with my desire for a Temple marriage in this life without knowing if I will have one?
- I must emotionally, spiritually, and physically prepare myself for a temple marriage. This includes improving my physical health.
- How can I teach myself to more completely trust Christ and the Atonement when I have so much trouble trusting and relying on anyone other than myself?
- There are no shortcuts. The little things matter a lot as I build my foundation in Christ. I must share and talk to my Father in Heaven. I must start with what I’m sure of in my faith go from there to have an intimate discussion. As I ask for help learning to more fully rely on Christ, Heavenly Father with both bless and help me.
- When my faith waivers, how do I restore my faith? Furthermore, how to I maintain my surety in the first place?
- Fear not! Do not belittle my belief. Ask for help in my unbelief that it might be transformed into strong faith. What we do know will always be greater than what we don’t regarding our faith. Remember to always walk by faith.
- What can I do to contribute to an inviting atmosphere at church where everyone can feel the Spirit of Christ?
- Darkness exists in this world but don’t chose to dwell in the darkness. Choose to dwell in the light, and choose to radiate light!
- What should I learn about myself, others and Christ when I make mistakes and things don’t go according to plan? How can I improve myself in the face of conflict?
- It is imporant to always remember that I am a divine daughter of God and that I am a divine work in progress. Issues with arrise but that doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with a divine work. Also remember “it takes two people to contend and I will no be one of them.” (Brother Palabella)
- How do I give up my life for something better?
- This one is easy: Come follow Him.
- How can I learn to recognize miracles in my life everyday?
- Allow faith to overcome doubt. As I am obedient in all things, magnifying everything that I have been asked to do I will be blessed in ways I cannot imagine and will his is tender mercies and even His miracles in all things.
I invite you to come and see what answers the messages of General Conference have for you. You can watch the entire thing or just specific talks online. As Brother Jeffery R. Holland declared today, “Hope on! Journey on! Fan the flame of your faith because all things are possible to him that believeith!”
Come and see and follow Him!
I’ve been told on several occasions lately that I’m glowing. I was in the LDS Temple when I heard it first. One of the more locally important leaders came up to me to tell me that his counselor told him that I was glowing and that he agrees with him. I promptly turned a bright shade of red which I’m sure covered up any glow as I thanked him. But when I got home, I looked in the mirror and to my surprise, sure enough, I was glowing. Nothing green or yellow or radioactive, but my eyes and skin were lit up and shining. Glowing is a term usually reserved for describing women who are in love or pregnant. As I fall in neither category, it’s led me to wonder at the source of my illuminating shine.
Today I realized what that source was. I was at church this morning when that same counselor came up to me directly to tell me how much he thought I was glowing for himself. He also mentioned that could see a change in me. That’s what gave me the clue. I believe he was referring to a “change of heart” or a “mighty change” of heart of the variety written about beginning in The Book of Mormon, Alma, Chapter 5, Verse 12-14 & 26 :
12 And according to his faith there was a mighty change wrought in his heart. Behold I say unto you that this is all true.
13 And behold, he preached the word unto your fathers, and a mighty change was also wrought in their hearts, and they humbled themselves and put their trust in the true and living God. And behold, they were faithful until the end; therefore they were saved.
14 And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts?
26 And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?
While I was in the hospital for three months over this past summer, I really believe it wrought a mighty change in my heart. I learned to trust God like I never trusted before. Being on a ventilator, unable to breath on my own, while still being completely conscious, for such a long period during that time, was a humbling experience. It taught me to just keep giving me burdens over to my Savior. It also taught me how our short lives are such a gift to treasure every moment of.
When I got home, I began to recover in leaps and bounds, faster than I had ever recovered and from a way more intense hospitalization than ever before. I didn’t think much of it at first, but now I attribute it to the might change of heart I’m experienced. The peace, faith and connectedness I feel are all products of that change of heart that I experienced inside me. I felt the song of redeeming love so strongly then. Can I feel so now? I must answer a resounding, “yes!”
Which bring me back to the glow. I realize now that I’m not really glowing. Or rather when you look at me and see a glow, it’s not me that you are seeing. You are seeing the Light of Christ working through me. I have embraced Christ’s love and his love shines through me. His love makes me glow. So in a sense I am pregnant. I carry faith inside me and feed it and nurture it and grow it into its full divine potential. And I might not be romantically in love, but I strive to carry charity or “the pure love of Christ” with me everywhere I go. That is the glow you see. That is the light in my eyes. As it is written in The New Testament, Matthew, Chapter 5, Verse 16:
16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.