Lauren believes that life can be full of joy and gratitude especially in the face of life's toughest trials. A highly creative person, the 32-year-old has a background in web & graphic design, musical theater, competitive improvisation, film production, and Alternate Reality Games. She is passionate about creative writing and is working on the final drafts of two science fiction novels. As a graduate of Landmark Education she has developed herself personally and professionally allowing her to powerfully create the life that she wants. After being diagnosed with multiple autoimmune diseases including Myasthenia Gravis and Sjogren's Syndrome, she adapted to new limitations while also discovering new interests and creative outlets that have given her life renewed purpose. Although she was raised Jewish, she converted to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Her faith helped her to endure and even flourish.
Posts by writerfly
Have you ever wondered what you should be doing with your life? Have you ever wondered what areas of your life you need to improve, and, furthermore how to improve them? Have you ever wanted to hear this kind of instruction from someone who could never steer you wrong? Have you ever wanted to get advice from someone who had only your best interested at heart, who loved you unconditionally, and would treat you with care of the most loving parent?
Throughout my life I have often longed for this personal direction from a divine source. I have come to know that my Father in Heaven can give me all of these things whenever I speak to him through prayer. But there are other times, places, and methods of receiving this direction in life. This afternoon was the final session of the Spring convening of General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. At it, the living Prophet of our Living Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ, along with his counselors, Apostles, and other disciples, delivered the divine messages we all needed to hear as His children.
General Conference occurs twice a year in the Spring and Fall. The messages spoken at it are broadcast live across the world via television, radio, and the internet for all of God’s children to hear. Afterwards, the talks are made available online, on dvd, and in print. Past year’s General Conferences are also available on lds.org.
In preparing to hear the word of God at General Conference, I wrote a list of questions that I wanted to have answered by the various talks given. I prayed to Heavenly Father that my questions would be addressed I was not disappointed. Through my faith, I received very direct answers to all but one question and an indirect answer to my last question. I would like to share some of my questions and the answers I received to them through the messages I watched broadcast through my computer screen. I recorded all of this in my handmade Conference Journal.
- How do I deal with my desire for a Temple marriage in this life without knowing if I will have one?
- I must emotionally, spiritually, and physically prepare myself for a temple marriage. This includes improving my physical health.
- How can I teach myself to more completely trust Christ and the Atonement when I have so much trouble trusting and relying on anyone other than myself?
- There are no shortcuts. The little things matter a lot as I build my foundation in Christ. I must share and talk to my Father in Heaven. I must start with what I’m sure of in my faith go from there to have an intimate discussion. As I ask for help learning to more fully rely on Christ, Heavenly Father with both bless and help me.
- When my faith waivers, how do I restore my faith? Furthermore, how to I maintain my surety in the first place?
- Fear not! Do not belittle my belief. Ask for help in my unbelief that it might be transformed into strong faith. What we do know will always be greater than what we don’t regarding our faith. Remember to always walk by faith.
- What can I do to contribute to an inviting atmosphere at church where everyone can feel the Spirit of Christ?
- Darkness exists in this world but don’t chose to dwell in the darkness. Choose to dwell in the light, and choose to radiate light!
- What should I learn about myself, others and Christ when I make mistakes and things don’t go according to plan? How can I improve myself in the face of conflict?
- It is imporant to always remember that I am a divine daughter of God and that I am a divine work in progress. Issues with arrise but that doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with a divine work. Also remember “it takes two people to contend and I will no be one of them.” (Brother Palabella)
- How do I give up my life for something better?
- This one is easy: Come follow Him.
- How can I learn to recognize miracles in my life everyday?
- Allow faith to overcome doubt. As I am obedient in all things, magnifying everything that I have been asked to do I will be blessed in ways I cannot imagine and will his is tender mercies and even His miracles in all things.
I invite you to come and see what answers the messages of General Conference have for you. You can watch the entire thing or just specific talks online. As Brother Jeffery R. Holland declared today, “Hope on! Journey on! Fan the flame of your faith because all things are possible to him that believeith!”
Come and see and follow Him!
Times flies in the service of the Lord. That’s where I’ve been or the past three years. Imperfect and stumbling, I’ve been helping to progress the work ever forward, growing Heavenly Father’s Kingdom. That’s where I’ve been ever since my baptism that occurred on March 7th 2010 or three years ago today when I was made a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
Still it’s hard to believe that three years have past. Yet, they have, and here I am, the better for it.
Prior to three years ago, I was lost and searching. Now I’m found.
Three years ago, newly baptized, I was leaning on one miraculous experience to get me through each moment in my new found spirituality. Now my testimony has been built, solidified, and strengthened by several years of experience.
Three years ago, I hardly knew a single person in the ward. Now this ward is my family.
Three years ago, I had no responsibility for anyone else in the Church. Now two important positions fall to me each week.
Three years ago I didn’t know how to pray. Now I get down on my knees each morning and night to have a personal conversation with my Father in Heaven.
Three years ago, I didn’t know who I was in the divine sense. Now I know myself to be a daughter of a divine being I call my HeaveLy Father who knows me personally and loves me unconditionally.
I am so so grateful for Christ’s gospel and that I found His true Church. It’s brought me so much joy, peace, comfort, and perspective. It brought be closer to my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ. I’m eternally grateful for my decision I made three years ago today! ♥
Sometimes I need to be reminded of who I really am, so I designed this poster to do just that.
I am so grateful of my knowledge that I am a spirit child of my Father in Heaven who lives and loves me individually!
Writing a novel from start to finish is an extremely challenging feat, but I discovered that creating the novel itself is a synch compared to crafting an engaging and well-written pitch. How could I distill over 100k words into just under 250 words while still maintaining the essence of the plot, characters, and style of the book?
It is no easy task. I struggled and wrestled my way through over fifteen drafts each seemingly worse than the last. False starts and failed endings. It took me a long time to get to what I finally settled upon, but I’m not convinced it’s ready.
I need your help! Please read my pitch, and lend me your constuctive critique. What’s working? What isn’t working? Does it pull you in? Do you relate to the characters? Does it make you want to read the book? What can I do to make it stronger?
The Particulars Pitch
by Lauren Soffer
Please excuse Professor Veril Maloit as he passes out cold. He’s just standing up to accept the biggest honor of his writing career only to fall flat on his face. To Veril’s astonishment, his girlfriend, Samantha Elderhopper, is selected to become an apprentice to the elite group of writers known as The Particulars, and his lifelong dream of joining the enigmatic organization is in shambles.
While recovering, Veril overhears a conversation between the group’s Grand Master, Cameron Johanson, and another Particular about making unsuspecting people disappear.
Is something sinister afoot? Tracy, the opinionated incorporeal voice that’s following Veril around certainly thinks so. Chances are he’s finally going out of his mind, but as Veril investigates, he stumbles upon a Particular conspiracy, witnessing the society’s crimes for himself. The famous authors are secretly vampires sucking juicy details out of people to infuse their writing with vivid realism, erasing their victims from memory to all but Veril.
Terrified, he dreads forever losing Sam to the humanity devouring Particulars, but what can Veril do? He knows nothing about hunting vampires. Or so he thinks, until the delivery of a cryptic letter illuminates the murky details of his mysterious lineage. Armed with a magic pen and inkwell, his creative writing skills, and a grab bag team of would-be heroes, Veril discovers that he’s the inspired author of his own destiny.
Thanks so much for your time and help! It’s much appreciated. You can leave your feed back right here in the comments, or you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Cross-posted from The Particulars Blog.
Sometimes, despite my best intentions, strongest convictions, all my strength and will, all my hope and faith, commitment and passion… sometimes despite everything I am, was, and will ever be… sometimes things fall apart.
Sometimes it seems like there’s no putting things back together again.
The past few weeks I’ve had my fill of Humpty Dumpty moments. My emotions splatted out on the ground for the whole world to see. At first it was for seemingly no reason. Then, little by little the source of my tears began to bubble to the surface. Flashes of suppressed memories of my last three month hospitalization haunt me. I was in the ICU almost a month and I remember everything.
Yesterday was odd sort of relief at receiving a diagnosis.
When I got home from my doctor’s office, I decided it’s time to stop suppressing the pain. Putting a name to it is a good first step, but it was really time to let a little of it out. So I wrote this poem about the experience:
by Lauren Soffer
How can I speak when
The pain leaves me breathless
Tear drops unspoken
Defined by wounds unforgotten
A prisoner of my own head
Where darkness ends
My Savior carries me
Breathing each breath
As I relinquish my anguish
For His infinite love
Safe in His Eternal arms
I am found
Through writing the poem, in a tiny way I began the process of transformation. Turning something ugly into something beautiful. Turning my pain into strength. And with that I found a iota of peace in that moment. I am struck by the following scripture:
And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. (D&C 122:7)
I’m grateful to have the faith that hard things in life will all be for my growth and benefit. Maybe things fall apart because life is like a jigsaw puzzle: there’s no point if it comes already put together.
Driving home from the neurologist’s this afternoon, I was overwhelmed by how much I’ve endured this past year and how much I’ve overcome. No words that I could speak nor tears that I could shed could express the depth of my sorrow at that moment or the breadth of my gratitude for the life that I have.
It’s been a rough week. A lot of painful memories from my time in the ICU are coming up for me. Dreams that are actually remembered moments of frightened emotions are surfacing. It’s time to face them, as painful as that may be.
I’m reminded of one of my favorite poems I’ve ever written. I wrote it over 5 years ago, but it is just as relavant to how I am feeling to me right now as it was the moment I wrote it.
by Lauren Soffer
Today was a really good day
So why are are my eyes burning
With tears that could never be enough
If I could only cry them
Is it the difference between where I am
And where I could be – should be
Not lying here drowning in the dividing ocean
If I could remember to swim now
How did my life get so crowded
With people who look right through me
Hiding the few who wave right at me
If I could only see them
Maybe I forgot how to see myself
Treading water so long
That the current took me
But couldn’t – don’t want to go back
Because today was a really good day
And my eyes bear witness
Like the growing pain that knocks you down
Will I ever stand up?
I’ve been told on several occasions lately that I’m glowing. I was in the LDS Temple when I heard it first. One of the more locally important leaders came up to me to tell me that his counselor told him that I was glowing and that he agrees with him. I promptly turned a bright shade of red which I’m sure covered up any glow as I thanked him. But when I got home, I looked in the mirror and to my surprise, sure enough, I was glowing. Nothing green or yellow or radioactive, but my eyes and skin were lit up and shining. Glowing is a term usually reserved for describing women who are in love or pregnant. As I fall in neither category, it’s led me to wonder at the source of my illuminating shine.
Today I realized what that source was. I was at church this morning when that same counselor came up to me directly to tell me how much he thought I was glowing for himself. He also mentioned that could see a change in me. That’s what gave me the clue. I believe he was referring to a “change of heart” or a “mighty change” of heart of the variety written about beginning in The Book of Mormon, Alma, Chapter 5, Verse 12-14 & 26 :
12 And according to his faith there was a mighty change wrought in his heart. Behold I say unto you that this is all true.
13 And behold, he preached the word unto your fathers, and a mighty change was also wrought in their hearts, and they humbled themselves and put their trust in the true and living God. And behold, they were faithful until the end; therefore they were saved.
14 And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts?
26 And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?
While I was in the hospital for three months over this past summer, I really believe it wrought a mighty change in my heart. I learned to trust God like I never trusted before. Being on a ventilator, unable to breath on my own, while still being completely conscious, for such a long period during that time, was a humbling experience. It taught me to just keep giving me burdens over to my Savior. It also taught me how our short lives are such a gift to treasure every moment of.
When I got home, I began to recover in leaps and bounds, faster than I had ever recovered and from a way more intense hospitalization than ever before. I didn’t think much of it at first, but now I attribute it to the might change of heart I’m experienced. The peace, faith and connectedness I feel are all products of that change of heart that I experienced inside me. I felt the song of redeeming love so strongly then. Can I feel so now? I must answer a resounding, “yes!”
Which bring me back to the glow. I realize now that I’m not really glowing. Or rather when you look at me and see a glow, it’s not me that you are seeing. You are seeing the Light of Christ working through me. I have embraced Christ’s love and his love shines through me. His love makes me glow. So in a sense I am pregnant. I carry faith inside me and feed it and nurture it and grow it into its full divine potential. And I might not be romantically in love, but I strive to carry charity or “the pure love of Christ” with me everywhere I go. That is the glow you see. That is the light in my eyes. As it is written in The New Testament, Matthew, Chapter 5, Verse 16:
16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
This year my greatest birthday wish came months before my birthday. It was to be out of the hospital to celebrate my special day. This week, on Tuesday, is my birthday. I will be turning 29 and entering the last year of my twenties. After 11 long, hard, and often frightening weeks in the hospital, I am very relieved and grateful to say that I am home from the hospital to celebrate.
It feels strange to know that my twenties are winding down, and I will soon be in my thirties. Thirties sounds rather grown-up, and, in a lot of ways, I hardly feel like a grown up yet. More than that I’ve spent a large part of my twenties feeling like I was failing to live up to my own expectations of myself. I wrote about this last year in my post Living Up to Teenage Expectations (Ten Years Later).
What I began to see last summer when I wrote that post and that I now see so clearly is that I was so busy feeling like a failure for all the ways I didn’t measure up to where I thought I’d be or should be by now, that I couldn’t see how successful my life really is. And more importantly I was robbing myself of the satisfaction and happiness that could come with that success.
Life often doesn’t turn out how we plan as young adults. As we grow older, we find out what God has planned for us. And the wonderful thing is, though we cannot see it now, that plan is grander than anything we could have imagined for ourselves as teenagers and will ultimately lead us to happiness. So my new plan is to abandon my own old expectations and put my trust in my Heavenly Father. Trust that he knows what is best for me. Trust that he can see the whole picture. Trust that by following his plan I will be lead back to Him. And trust that in doing so there will be more blessings along the way than I could have possibly imagined.
What a blessing it is that God is no respecter of persons. While I, for the last decade, was so worried that I wasn’t in the right career, living in the right place, having the right romance, and achieving the right things, God and my Savior Jesus Christ were loving me for exactly who I was. And they love me now for exactly who I am. This frees me to give up all those old expectations and just move boldly forward with the knowledge that if I put my trust in the Lord, I will find eternal happiness.
But what does this look like on a practical, day-to-day level? The first thing that come to mind is I must make every effort to live my life according to His example. The basics of prayer, church attendance, scripture study, and service are His standards to live by. Beyond that I can create my life within the context of what’s happening now rather than what I thought I wanted or should be doing at this point. So instead of trying to force the old dream of a career in film that just doesn’t fit anymore, I can relish in my new found love for novel writing and work towards getting published with passion and gusto.
Finally it’s absolutely critical to live in a space of constant gratitude. I am so so so blessed to be alive after the last hospitalization I just had, how can I waste time worrying what a teenage version of myself would have thought of me? Life is too lovely, too perfect, and too short for anything less. This year on my birthday I will remember that.
Why gratitude? I’ve been in the hospital. I’ve been sick. Really sick. Several weeks on life support when I was too weak to breathe on my own. So though there’s been moments of fear, of anger, of bitterness, of longing, of frustration, when I think about what has really filled my heart throughout this ordeal it is gratitude. This experience has left me so so so grateful for my life!
My family has been amazing. They’ve been here nearly every single day to make sure things went right and to be my support and my company. To hold my hand and to just let me know they love me.
My friends… I can’t even think about how hugely the’ve been here for me without getting teary eyed. They’ve sent cards and gifts. And most importantly they’ve showed up and entertained during these long dark weeks. My friends make me feel so loved. I don’t know how I’m so deserving, but I try to be better everyday to deserve how well my friends treat me.
My Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. Without them I would be so lost. They give me the strength to endure these tough times. And I am grateful for these hard times as the polish me into the person my Father in Heaven would have me be.
My self expression. I’ve spent most of the past six weeks a complete mute. Communicating by writing notes either on paper or one my laptop since it’s rather hard to talk with a breathing tube down your throat. But last night I got a special valve to put on my tracheotomy that allows me to start to speak again.
It is a common misconception that constructive criticism is easier to take than unfoundedly mean spirited criticism. More often than not, this isn’t the case. While it can be fairly easy to ignore and move on when criticism doesn’t resonate, when it rings true, pain really sets in. It’s hard to see your reflection and dislike what you find. And when someone else holds the mirror, it’s even worse. But I found that I can be resilient in the face of such genuinely painful critiques.
Last week, in my writing group, I discovered just how much the truth can hurt. I’ve been working so hard on my second draft of my novel The Particulars, and I really thought I was making good progress. So when it came my turn to submit to my weekly writing critique group, I was excited to hear some feedback. My group usually loves my writing, so I was caught completely off guard. Though their critique of my opening chapters was very constructive, it certainly wasn’t favorable.
It was rough, listening to nearly two hours of how my writing wasn’t working, so when I finally got off the Skype call, I broke down. I cried more than I had in a long time. I was just so frustrated and disappointed in my writing and in myself. I felt stupid for thinking it was good when it wasn’t. And the worse part was I really didn’t think I knew how to fix it.
Once the tears stopped flowing, though, I had a choice. I could choose to be resilient in the face of a difficult situation. Here’s some tips that helped me:
- Don’t read into it.
The biggest mistake you can make when dealing with a harsh critique is to read into what it means about who you are as a person. I could have told myself that because the opening of my book wasn’t working, that I was a terrible writer or that I’d never be published, but there’s nothing productive that will come from thinking those things. Besides those things aren’t even true.
- Get right back on the horse.
The very next morning after the critique, I forced myself to start again because I knew the longer I waited the harder it would be to start again. So don’t wait. No time like the present.
- Look for the opportunity.
I realized I could choose to be burned by this critique, or I could rise for the ashes a stronger writer. This was my chance to grow and improve, if I choose to use it that way.
- Start fresh.
Since my writing wasn’t very effective in my first draft, I gave myself permission to come at it from a different perspective and tried something totally new. I scrapped the first three chapters of my novel completely and started over from scratch.
- Don’t give up.
The only way you can really lose in these situations is to give up. There would be an upside, if I stuck with it.
So I rewrote my first three chapters, and what I came up with was so much better than what I had. At least I was pretty sure it was. But to make certain I had to submit myself to one more critique. I asked one of the group members to read it again for me, and to my relief, she absolutely loved my new direction. And the fact that I was able to do so despite my pain and sweat and tears, made the victory all the sweeter.
Here’s the new opening paragraphs of The Particulars as it stands now:
Veril Maloit picked up his manuscript and dumped it into the trash. It was no use. It was no good. He was no good. He kicked the overflowing waste bin. There was no evil worse than writers block. He glared at his desk. It looked so empty without his novel cluttering it up. Two hundred thousand words in, and he didn’t even know what it was about yet. What a waste of trees.
He took a deep breath and gagged. What was that strange odor? By the smell of it someone had just run over a skunk with a truck of herbal medicinal supplies. He coughed and pinched his nose closed with two fingers.