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Crying GirlDriving home from the neurologist’s this afternoon, I was overwhelmed by how much I’ve endured this past year and how much I’ve overcome.  No words that I could speak nor tears that I could shed could express the depth of my sorrow at that moment or the breadth of my gratitude for the life that I have.

It’s been a rough week.  A lot of painful memories from my time in the ICU are coming up for me.  Dreams that are actually remembered moments of frightened emotions are surfacing.  It’s time to face them, as painful as that may be.

I’m reminded of one of my favorite poems I’ve ever written.  I wrote it over 5 years ago, but it is just as relavant to how I am feeling to me right now as it was the moment I wrote it.

 

Crying Colors

Tear

Today

by Lauren Soffer

 

Today was a really good day

So why are are my eyes burning

With tears that could never be enough

If I could only cry them

 

Is it the difference between where I am

And where I could be – should be

Not lying here drowning in the dividing ocean

If I could remember to swim now

 

How did my life get so crowded

With people who look right through me

Hiding the few who wave right at me

If I could only see them

 

Maybe I forgot how to see myself

Treading water so long

That the current took me

But couldn’t – don’t want to go back

 

Because today was a really good day

And my eyes bear witness

Like the growing pain that knocks you down

Will I ever stand up?